yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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