Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
