just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
