Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
