omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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