dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
