I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
