I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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