I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
