guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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