We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
