her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think people are normalizing furries
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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