No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
