batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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