There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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