I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
