Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
