Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sober January is a disaster.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
