The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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