the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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