we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
