He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
