im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
