i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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