I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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