Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
