Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
