What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
