i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
