God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
