you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
