So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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