I wish life had little blips of pornography
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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