I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Randomize
