I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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