omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
