Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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