This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
