I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
