I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
