Got a toothbrush?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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