I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
