I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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