After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
