Can Purell be used as lube?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
