I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
