dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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