Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
