new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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