How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
