You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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