Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
