i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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