cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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