I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
