He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
