He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
