I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
