u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
