haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
