Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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