Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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